In August, Prospecting readers offered advice to the executive director of a Charlotte, N.C., ministry group who was attempting to create his organization’s first direct-mail campaign.

David Hickman, executive director of CharlotteONE, submitted the first draft of his letter. Readers replied with recommendations on how to improve the letter.

Mr. Hickman has since incorporated those ideas into the final version of his appeal, which appears below. We hope you’ll let us know what you think — and offer ideas for how to follow up on this appeal.

Here’s the new version:

Dear Prospective Donor,

In 2007, Brett Brocato moved to Charlotte with big hopes and big dreams of
finding a new life. He was ready for a change. However, the life-change
Brett experienced after moving to Charlotte was not what he had in mind.

After graduating from NC State with a Master’s Degree in Mechanical
Engineering, Brett eventually relocated to Charlotte where he came to the
stark realization that something was missing in his life — something his
successful career, increased salary, loving family or faithful girlfriend
could not fulfill or sustain.

The new life Brett was hoping to find in Charlotte turned out to be more of
the old with draining work weeks, few friends and no real sense of
community.

Brett felt strangely alone in a big city.

In typical southern fashion, a few of his work associates invited him to go
to church. Being agnostic towards the things of faith, Brett politely
declined their well-intended invitation. Brett was open to exploring the
possibility of God, but being an engineer, he had several intelligent
questions about the claims of Christianity that prevented him from crossing
the line of faith.

In January a friend told Brett about a large city-wide worship gathering of
young adults and singles in Uptown called, CharlotteONE. Intrigued that
close to 500 young professionals gathered together on Tuesday nights to
explore the claims of Christ, Brett decided to bring his questions to
CharlotteONE.

As providence would have it, the first night Brett came to CharlotteONE the
speaker was addressing the issue of the historical reliability of the Bible.
It was through this thought provoking, intelligent response to the questions
surrounding the Bible that Brett first seriously considered exploring
Christianity.

Brett recalls, “After hearing one of the CharlotteONE speakers talk about
the historical and textual reliability of the Old and New Testaments, at
that point, I could believably picture myself becoming a Christian.”

After spending time with a CharlotteONE staff member discussing more of his
questions and concerns, Brett not only continued to believably picture
himself becoming a Christian, but decided to embrace the claims of Christ
and become a Christian. Since then, Brett has joined a local church, served
as a missionary to orphans in Guatemala and is currently serving as a
committed volunteer with CharlotteONE every Tuesday night.

I’m able to tell Brett’s story in large part due to your faithful prayers
and financial support for what God is doing through CharlotteONE. Because of
your past financial support, CharlotteONE has been able to help hundreds of
young adults and singles like Brett reconnect with Christ, community and the
local church.

Thank you for believing in our vision of seeing the young adults and singles
of Charlotte come to know the love of God through Jesus Christ! We cannot do
it without you!

As we prepare for 2009, we would like to invite you into our financial goals
for the upcoming year.

Our operating budget for 2009 is $187,000. This includes staffing,
programming and ongoing operating expenses.

We need your help in achieving this goal!

Enclosed, we’ve included a giving slip that has different support options
available. Please pray through and select an amount you would like to give
towards the above goal and insert the slip in the enclosed prepaid envelope
and place it in the mail! Online giving is also available at
www.charlotteone.org.

Thank you again for your generous support for what God is doing through
CharlotteONE!

My prayer is that together as ONE we will see more lives changed in 2009!

********************************************************

If you’d like to submit your appeal letter so readers of Prospecting can offer their suggestions, please send an e-mail Peter Panepento.