Erin M. Althoff, a writer at the fund-raising consulting firm RuffaloCody in Vancouver, Wash., has submitted the following appeal letter for your critique.

Ms. Althoff wrote the letter to acknowledge donors who had pledged money as part of a telephone fund-raising drive held by Mount St. Mary’s College.

To offer feedback to Ms. Althoff, please post your comments or suggestions in the comments area. As always, we hope the feedback will be constructive.

Her letter follows:

Dear {SALUTATION},

On behalf of the students who will benefit from your generosity, thank you! I was pleased to hear of your recent pledge of $(PLEDGE AMOUNT) to Mount St. Mary’s College.

From the busy professional enrolled in our Weekend College, to the undergraduate student who is the first in her family to attend college, to the inquiring graduate student preparing for immersion in a subject area, Mount St. Mary’s is committed to providing a top-quality education that meets the needs of our diverse student body. Your gift is vital to ensuring we have the resources necessary to advance our curriculum and accommodate the academic needs of a dynamic population.

Annual contributions directly impact our entire community. The Mount Fund provides support for scholarships and financial aid, recruiting and retaining the finest faculty, and creating innovative curriculum. It allows us the resources to build on our success and build for the future.

To make your gift immediately accessible to our students, you may fulfill your pledge online by visiting our website at www.msmc.la.edu and selecting “Give to the Mount.” Alternatively, you may return the attached pledge payment form with your gift.

Thank you again for including Mount St. Mary’s in your charitable giving this year. Your gift will help academically promising students become leaders and innovative thinkers.

Sincerely,

Sherry A. Wickware
Director of Annual Giving
Mount St. Mary’s College

The Chronicle invites readers to submit their own fund-raising letters for a critique. The feedback is provided by other Chronicle readers.

To submit your letter, send an e-mail message to Peter Panepento, the Chronicle‘s Web editor.