We recently introduced you to Lois J. Hamilton, the president of Saint Francis Medical Center College of Nursing, in Peoria, Ill.
Ms. Hamilton is preparing to send her college’s annual year-end appeal letters and is looking for your advice on how to make her letters more effective.
Last week, Ms. Hamilton shared the draft of one of her letters, and she received some great feedback from Prospecting readers.
To offer feedback to Ms. Hamilton, please post your comments or suggestions in the comments area. As always, we hope the feedback will be constructive.
Here’s Ms. Hamilton’s draft letter:
With deep sighs, tears, and desperation, a student reported that she had to quit school because she was about to lose her car, her utilities bills were months behind, and she needed to work more hours to provide food for her children. She was the kind of student who you knew would be an awesome nurse. She was smart, kind, knowledgeable, and enjoyed helping others. She said, “I have made some poor choices in my life, but I am now ready to pursue my life dream, to become a nurse. But I keep running into roadblocks.”
There was a happy ending to this story. Because we had some scholarship funds and the student had funds coming to her from the State of Illinois. The Student Finance and Student Counseling offices worked together creatively to provide funds for this student, so that she could complete the education.
The sad ending to this story is the College of Nursing scholarship fund’s balance is now decreasing. The College has lost over $300,000 in State of Illinois funds. State funds provided to the student fund will not be available beginning January 2010.
This purpose of this appeal is to increase the balance in the College of Nursing Scholarship fund. We also want to have an increased number of endowments, which will continue to give to students many years to come. We are asking that you give generously because your donations will make a different in many lives.
Please complete the form below and take the first step to help a student change their life forever.
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments space below. To submit your letter for a critique, e-mail the Chronicle Web editor, Peter Panepento.