Jed Margolis, executive director of Maccabi USA/Sports for Israel in Philadelphia, is looking for advice from readers on a draft of a direct-mail letter his organization is planning to send to potential donors in the coming weeks.

Below is a draft of his letter. Readers are encouraged to offer their ideas for improvements by posting a comment. As always, we ask that your ideas be constructive.

Dear Maccabi Supporter,

If you have flown anywhere recently (and, I suppose, even if you haven’t), you know what’s happening to air fares.

Fuel surcharges … security and baggage fees … airline pricing schemes. Today’s inflated air fares are having a tremendous impact on our getting Team USA to Israel this summer.

I’m writing to ask for your help.

Here’s the bottom line:

Roundtrip air fare to Israel for the 2005 Maccabiah Games was $1,400. We anticipated an increase this year and budgeted $1,800 per ticket. Now it turns out the cost will actually be $2,100!

That’s $300 more than we expected for each ticket. And we have to buy a lot of them.

I’ve negotiated the best deals I could. For prior Games, the airline was willing to charter us an entire plane — or two — so that we could fly to Israel together as a Team.

But, no more. Seats today are priced individually at different rates, so we’ve had to get the best rates we could, where we could, in much smaller lots.

We have made deposits to secure our reservations. Now, final payment in full is due next month.

Will you make a special donation today to help cover the additional expense for tickets? I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t so critical.

All told, we’re planning on sending a contingent of nearly one thousand people to this summer’s Games — that’s about 850 athletes plus 150 coaches, managers, medical staff, and our Team Rabbi. It’s going to be our greatest showing yet of our solidarity with the People of Israel and Jews everywhere. But first we have to get there.

We have already increased the registration fee athletes contribute to the Maccabiah Games. It covers transportation. However, we know that many of our athletes will need financial assistance in order to meet their obligations — and Maccabi USA has promised to cover part of the cost for others traveling with the Team.

So, I’m turning to you, our Team USA supporters.

You joined the Maccabi USA family out of pride in our athletes’ competitive spirit … and in support of an event that gives young men and women from throughout the Diaspora the opportunity to connect with Israel and their Jewish heritage.

Now the 18th Maccabiah Games are just around the corner. They’re also across an ocean.

Please help Team USA get there. Please help cover the cost of the plane tickets they must have. It’s such a basic element of travel, and so essential to the Games.

Please return the enclosed form with however much you can contribute. Every one of the athletes who get to go to Israel in July will thank you — as I do now.

Sincerely,

Jed Margolis
bq. Executive Director
bq. Maccabi USA

P.S. Again, final payments for plane tickets are due next month. Please let me hear from you soon to ensure we have all the seats we’ll need.

To submit your own letter for a critique by Prospecting readers, send an e-mail message to Peter Panepento