When Polly Aris Stamatopoulos directed fund raising at a gay-rights organization, she recalls that “on more than one occasion, I was asked to send a young, attractive guy to meet with an older male donor” at the donor’s request. To protect her staff members, she says, “the decision I made was to send myself.”
Ms. Stamatopoulos, now a fund-raising consultant in Washington, says that sexually charged incidents involving development officers are so common that “there should be a class on the sexual politics of fund raising.”
Unwanted advances or even sexual harassment on the job are common complaints. As the Minneapolis consultant Bruce Flessner says, “These situations are not uncommon, unfortunately.”
I have noticed the same thing in 20 years of covering fund raising and hearing such concerns. One woman, who asked me to withhold her name, described two instances in which male donors made passes at her. “Twice I’ve had donors be inappropriate, and I don’t want people to think I brought it on myself,” she says, explaining her decision to remain anonymous.
Similar incidents occur in other professions, of course, but it is not surprising that it happens in fund raising. For starters, raising money is all about building relationships. Fund raisers are often interacting with donors, board members, and others in social settings where alcohol and personal information are freely exchanged.
I plan to write about this topic soon and provide advice on how to fend off unwanted advances without jeopardizing a potential donation.
If you have an experience that you’re willing to discuss—confidentially, if you prefer—please feel free to e-mail me.
How widespread do you think sexual-harassment issues are in fund raising? We welcome comments, which can be made anonymously, below this post.
14 Responses to The Sexual Politics of Fund Raising
1americlean - May 24, 2010 at 2:47 pm
I have had an experience with this and would be willing to discuss via the phone. EJ Underwood704-334-4635 X204
rozlanders - May 24, 2010 at 3:23 pm
I, too, had experience with this traveling to donors out of state on my own. RML
judithkatz - May 24, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Seems to me, as a thirty-something development consultant with almost 10 years in the “industry,” that this is an under-recognized dynamic in many of workplaces and community eco-systems.
mdelaurence - May 24, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Unfortunatley, this type of behavior is still very prevelant in our society and most of our workplaces. Based upon my HR experience investigating many sexual harassment complaints, I dont think that the fund raising industry is any different than your average Fortune 500 company. And I dont believe adding the nature and culture of the business really changes the dynamics. I’ve had plenty of employees that made complaints about outside vendors or customers. In training thousands of employees, I’m still amazed at the lack of understanding of these issues.Mark D.
hollyhall - May 24, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Thanks to everyone who has commented on this sensitive subject. In addition, I am grateful to several readers who have sent me email messages about their personal experiences with this problem, including a male fund raiser who was “hit on” by a widow after he escorted her to dinner. Mark D. is correct that this problem transcends the fund-raising profession, certainly. But there are aspects of a fund-raising career that conspire to make the problem more likely than in other professions to occur.I look forward to hearing more from other readers, so keep the comments and emails coming!
rowena - May 25, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Holly – thrilled to see you raising this important debate. Am keen to raise a similar debate in the UK and would welcome the opportunity to touch base. Email click through’s not working from my PC, if you don’t have my contact details from this email please contact me at The Fawcett Society. Best, Rowena
hollyhall - May 25, 2010 at 3:11 pm
Hi Rowena: I found your Web site, but your email is not listed there. I just sent you something through the feedback section of your site and provided my email (holly.hall@philanthropy.com)in hopes that we can continue the conversation that way. I hope to hear from you. You are the second UK fund raiser to contact me on this issue, by the way.
eacmpbll - May 25, 2010 at 3:27 pm
A couple years ago I did an internship at a theatre company. Not only would the managing director only hire young, cute girls, but also she would send us to sweet talk all the old men before and after shows and during fund raising events. I chose to go ahead and do it because I was 19 and I didn’t want the other girl, who was 16, to have to. What did I learn? How to politely fend off advances that go too far without the man deciding to not donate. I also learned how to not treat volunteers and interns.
hollyhall - May 25, 2010 at 5:36 pm
eacmpbll makes an interesting point. I have received a couple other emails from female fund raisers who are at the start of their careers and feel they were hired as “lures” to chat up older male donors.
dennisask - May 26, 2010 at 7:51 am
Sex sells. It sells cars and it sells good deeds. Charities that do not exploit the sexual dimensions of their staffs’ relationships with potential donors are going to end up with much less money in their coffers than charities that do. It’s the fascinating, age-old, ethical dilemma of whether the end justifies the means. Once the decision is passively made to “allow” young attractive solicitors to discretely “flirt” with older wealthy male donors, the charitable organization is skating on thin ice and should be sure that its solicitors are wearing their life preservers. The name of the game becomes, “Take the money and run, leaving the donor panting in the doorway.”
julierob - June 7, 2010 at 11:29 am
This has happened to me several times, and I have also had staff members deal with this issue, at a family violence shelter of all places! Not sure how much more prevalent it is in our work than other jobs (pharmaceutical sales comes to mind). It’s unfortunate, and I would like to hear more discussion on how others have addressed the issue.
sandeepdeshmukh - June 8, 2010 at 12:22 am
I think in spite of working in an alien culture compared to the american one – I am talking about India, there is a common thread over here. In more than twenty years of professional work, I have often faced the disguised advances.
hollyhall - June 9, 2010 at 5:05 pm
Thanks to everyone who has commented on this post and the many people who sent me email descriptions sharing their own (often-painful) experiences. When I started working on the story, I had no idea that this type of inappropriate behavior was so common in the context of fund raising. You should see my inbox! Look for our story soon–we think it will be published in June–and keep the comments and emails coming. ThanksHolly Hallholly.hall@philanthropy.com
actuallygiving - June 9, 2010 at 5:13 pm
It’s happened to me and my colleagues. Wrote a post on this with a few examples: http://www.actuallygiving.com/2010/04/its-aint-philanthropy-if-youre-tryin-to-get-laid/