Crafting Winning Appeals: Presenting Examples of Impact

November 03, 2009

Crafting Winning Appeals: Presenting Examples of Impact

The Chronicle gives fund raisers the chance to have their peers critique drafts of their appeal letters to donors.

Today we offer a letter from Santa Fe International Folk Art Market, in Santa Fe, N.M. It was submitted by Laura Sullivan, the organization’s development director.

Ms. Sullivan said the letter will be printed on 8.5-inch by 14-inch paper with a tear-off reply form at the bottom and will be sent with a self-addressed return envelope. The mailing will also include a fund-raising brochure.

The organization plans to send the letter to donors who have given to the organization in the past three years, volunteers, patrons, and other prospects.

The brochure will replicate the examples that are included in the bulleted section of the letter below.

Ms. Sullivan would like to hear your advice on whether it is appropriate to repeat that information in the brochure or whether it should include different examples of the organization’s impact.

Below is the draft of her letter. Please offer your constructive feedback in the comments section.

Dear _____,

Recently, I had the great honor of representing the Santa Fe International Folk Art Market at the Clinton Global Initiative in New York. There I saw Rwandan President Paul Kagame, along with five other inspirational individuals, receive the Clinton Global Citizen Award, at a ceremony attended by a 1,000 dignitaries and heads-of-state.

It was three artists from Haiti and Nigeria who created the stunning commemorative awards presented that evening. Former President Clinton commissioned these awards in collaboration with our Market. Later in the awards program, a brief video that featured these Market artists took center stage. It was a great moment for the awardees, for our Market and for the world’s folk artists.

Haitian artist Michée Ramil Remy crafted his award from a recycled steel oil drum, continuing a blacksmithing tradition that dates to the 1950s. As a result of Michée’s participation in the Market—where he earned over $27,000 this year—Michée reports that he has more work ever before, employs more workers, and is helping others in his community. Michée and his family have been given the opportunity to lift themselves from the grinding poverty that plagues so many in his country.

Your generous support of the Santa Fe International Folk Art Market provides extraordinary opportunity and creates change for folk art entrepreneurs like Michée from around the world.

We thank you for your most recent donation of $_______. Your gift helped make it possible for our organization to produce a Market that attracted record-breaking crowds, generate $1.95 million in sales, and send 90% of those dollars home with the artists. Your donation also positively affected our local community as the Market created a $14 million economic impact through tourism and taxes paid.

I am asking you now to consider increasing your support of the Folk Art Market— to help empower artists, give them dignified work, and provide them with a global market in which to sell their work.

In the enclosed brochure, we’ve recounted the stories of three women who attended the Market and whose lives have changed as a result of your generosity. Here are some recent updates.

• Nurse Thembeni from Swaziland earned enough for members of her co-op so that they could buy shoes and school uniforms for their children. They were also able to buy a week’s supply of food for the Magojela village soup kitchen that feeds orphaned and vulnerable children who are victims of the widespread AIDS epidemic. As formal recognition for her success, the tribal chief appointed Nurse to a leadership position to oversee poverty alleviation projects.

• Manjula Devi Maithil Bahun from Nepal, who came to Santa Fe on behalf of the 50 women at the Janakpur Women’s Development Center, went home with enough in earnings to support ten months’ salary for all the co-op artists. The center reports that these funds made it possible for the women to send their children to school, pay for family food and medical expenses, and in some cases purchase land.

• Lubisia Membache represented the Wounaan National Congress, a group of some 8,000 indigenous people based in the Darien rain forests of Panama. They attended the Market in 2009 for the first time as an independent group without sponsorship from any outside organization. Their earnings provide them with capital to fight for title to their ancestral lands and make progress towards self-determination.

Folk artists around the world need markets. The Santa Fe International Folk Art Market provides a venue for artists to succeed in the global marketplace beyond their dreams and to begin the path to self-sufficiency.

Your financial support will help more than ever in this challenging year to continue our important work that resonates around the world. To economize, we have reduced our projected expenses by 3%. Administrative costs are just 20% of our budget, all of which are covered by income that we earn at the Market from ticket sales and the like. You can rest assured that your gift directly supports the participation of Market artists and programs.

With your contribution, we can reach our 2010 fundraising goal of $558,000 in private giving—to provide more opportunity and create change in communities across the globe. Thank you for making the world’s folk artists a priority in your charitable giving. I look forward to hearing from you again this year.

Best regards,
Charlene Cerny
Executive Director

P.S. To help, simply mail the reply form below with your gift or pledge. You may also make a monthly gift to sustain the work of the Folk Art Market year-round. Or, make an online gift at folkartmarket.org.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments space below. To submit your letter for a critique, e-mail the Chronicle Web editor, Peter Panepento.

Comments

The letter would benefit from brevity. Also, unless the author really knows the recipients, starting the first paragraph with all the “I.. this” and “I that” is a turnoff.

— evelyn alemanni Nov 3, 02:50 PM #
Some will read the brochure first, others the letter first, so the repetition makes good sense. Even better if the brochure expands on what is said in the letter and includes photos. I like the personal feel of this letter and overall it works well. Some tightening up would make it even stronger.

— JaneB Nov 3, 03:05 PM #
Laura – It’s risky to answer your question when we know relatively little about your organization or the history of your direct mail campaigns. For example: What have you tested; how do your donors respond to brochures; and so much more. Assuming you have successfully used brochures on renewal campaigns in the past, then going into greater detail on the brochure is probably fine. As Jane says in her comment, not everyone starts with the letter. In fact, the brochure will probably capture more attention – at least initially – especially if you have included strong photos with good eye contact.

I’ll share a few more thoughts on your letter that may be helpful. But again . . . I don’t know what you’ve tested so these are aspects that I would question my client about if they gave me this letter for evaluation.

Overall it could be warmer and more personal. Also, open with a strong punch line.

“Michée’s family no longer goes to bed hungry. They no longer live in a leaky one-room tin shack with dirt floors. They were able to build a modest concrete block home from the money Michée earned from his blacksmith artisan work. Not only that but his art business is expanding and he employs 15 workers who now also have the chance to lift themselves from the grinding poverty….

Thanks to you and all our caring donors, Haitian artist Michée Ramil Remy …….”

Then talk about the awards ceremony where recipients received an award crafted by Michée. Also, you MIGHT be able to save costs and avoid printing and mailing the brochure if you expand your three bullets a little. First, start each one with the punch line – how their lives are better. Then fill in with a few details. You can tailor letters based on past giving levels and give specific examples of what different gifts will accomplish. A $25 donor reads what another gift like that will do for Nurse Thembeni, Manjula and Lubisia. Buys “what” to train another nurse, for example? Do this for different donor giving levels so each examples of how people will be helped is tailored to their past gifts.

In your last paragraph, I would suggest talking about one of the 4 people in your letter again, probably Michée since we open with him. Talk about how their gift will help more people like him not only improve his life and that of his family, but spreads to dozens and hundreds more in his community as well. Their gift is helping people to live happy, healthier self-sufficient lives. Talk about one person or family instead of lofty goals of $558,000 for the campaign.

Those are the most critical elements that jump out at me. Oh, and IF you decide to eliminate the brochure, one or two of the right photos with compelling captions would be good to include in the letter. Ideally it would be a candid photo of one of the 4 people you talk about in the letter. Hope that helps and good luck with your renewal appeal.

Karen Zapp, Fundraising Copywriter
http://www.PKscribe.com

— Karen Zapp Nov 3, 04:27 PM #
Hi Laura,

Very nice letter with good, concrete examples! It’s too long, however – I started out quite interested but you lost me before the end.

(1.) One suggestion: use your 5th paragraph (“We thank you for your most recent donation …” etc.) as your 1st paragraph. That would put the emphasis on both the donor and your organization’s accomplishments right from the start. Then you could talk about the Clinton Global Initiative.

(2.) Another idea: Make your 7th paragraph (“In the enclosed brochure, we’ve recounted …” etc.) — and the 3 bulleted updates that follow it — a P.S., and use your present P.S. (“To help, simply mail …” etc.) as the last paragraph in your letter. Don’t relegate this call to action to a P.S.!

Best of luck – I hope your appeal raises lots of support! —Donna

— Donna Nov 3, 04:48 PM #
Thank you for asking this question. I have wondered about the benefits of repetition myself. Commercials use repetition to imbed themselves in our minds. Are we losing opportunities when we switch stories in consecutive materials? Should we highlight the same story in an e-solicitation that we used in our direct mail? These are great questions.

— Elizabeth Nov 4, 11:33 AM #

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