Seeking Advice On a Fund-Raising Letter

August 27, 2008

Seeking Advice On a Fund-Raising Letter

Kelly Stettner, founder and director of the Black River Action Team in Springfield, Vt., was inspired by the recent exchange Prospecting sponsored to help a charity official draft his first fund-raising letter.

Ms. Stettner, who works as a secretary by day, runs the nine-year-old environmental advocacy group in her spare time and says she is drafting an appeal in the hope that it “will encourage more business owners to donate and to think creatively about the ways they can help. Ink cartridge donations, money, food for volunteers, items to raffle off — it’s all good.”

Before she sends out her pitch, though, Ms. Stettner would love some advice from her peers in the fund-raising world. Please post a comment to show how you would improve the following appeal:

In 2000, I was walking across a bridge near Riverside Middle School in Springfield with my family. I looked over the railing into the water below, and a half-dozen shopping carts smiled back up at me. I complained that “somebody ought to DO something” about it, and my husband responded with “Well, YOU’RE somebody.” That comment prompted the first RiverSweep – I recruited two co-workers, my husband and our toddler daughter; we fished out 14 shopping carts, five or six tires, some tag sale signs, and a dozen or so bags of trash.

Fast-forward to 2008 – dozens of local volunteers participate in cleaning up the river, we’ve pulled out over 1,000 shopping carts, and I’m organizing the 9th Annual RiverSweep to take place in Ludlow, Springfield and all points in-between. The date is September 6th, from 9am till noon – funds are needed to purchase tee shirts for the volunteers, work-gloves, and materials for a new grappling hook; donations of refreshments are also needed.

Please help me continue this important work!

Every little bit helps! Whether you donate money or your empty ink cartridges for me to recycle, I will gladly list your company name on the backs of our tee shirts for 2008, as well as in a ‘thank you’ message in local newspapers & a link to your company on the BRAT website.

Our umbrella organization is still the Connecticut River Watershed Council and they will be happy to accept a tax-deductible donation on behalf of the BRAT – just make it out to CRWC and be sure to write “BRAT” in the memo section of your check; mail it to the address below. Donations can also be mailed directly to the BRAT at the address above, however those will not be tax-deductible.

Thank you for your support of the Black River Action Team. The group’s mission continues to be to improve and maintain the health of the Black River and the lands around it through creative partnership, hands-on projects, and cooperative projects.

Sincerely,
Kelly Stettner, Director
Connecticut River Watershed Council
Black River Action Team

— Peter Panepento

Comments

Just a couple of comments. It’s great to start this with a personal story. I question the use of the verb “smile” in relationship to the shopping carts. It’s a little too friendly and anthropomorphic and doesn’t convey the damage/ugliness of the shopping carts in the river.

Another big thing is always to talk about the benefits of what you’re doing. Removing shopping carts and other trash is a feature (and an important one), but it’s usually more persuasive to talk about why removing the shopping carts is important. Keep the stream flowing and clean, preserve the natural beauty and the habitat for plants and animals, etc. etc.

I’m sure other people will have more suggestions. And thanks for “being somebody” and being willing to take action. Good luck!

— Cara Aug 27, 10:03 PM #
Your personal approach is great. I suggested editing into shorter sentences, each communicating a specific idea. Also, tighten it up with words that pack stronger emotions. Instead of the smile line, perhaps: “I was outraged to see our lovely river choking on shopping carts and debris.”

Also, as Cara mentioned, include reasons why this cause should matter to them (tug on those heartstrings with descriptive language). (That “1,000 shopping carts” statistic is very impressive and could get some bigger play.) Once they’re inspired by the benefits, then offer those specifics about what you plan to do. Invite them to volunteer with you. Then follow it with how they can help via donations. With so many ways to help, I suggest a bulleted list outlining them all. Be sure to finish with a reminder of why they should feel great about contributing in some way to your cause, and why you need them to do so right now.

Wishing you all the best with the work you do! Thanks for making your corner of the world a better, cleaner place! Good luck!

— Patti Renner Aug 28, 10:39 AM #
I agree with Cara about that first verb. And agree that Kelly could be a bit more specific about the help she needs and the work she’s doing.
I have to say, I’m a bit floored by the idea of 1,000 shopping carts in a river. Does Kelly really mean carts? The things we push in the supermarket. Does she mean plastic shopping bags?
If there are 1,000 metal shopping carts in a river, might that be a criminal matter? Some sort of systemic local dumping problem . . . just throwing that out there.

— DDG Aug 28, 02:53 PM #
I really enjoyed the letter, as your wrote I could picture this clearly, as if it were me on that walk. I am also sure that many of us have said those same words, but just never got called to the mat as you did.

As a person who receives several call to action letters and donation requests throughout the year, I appreciate the tone of this letter. It is refreshingly lighthearted yet still makes me want to help. I think that most people already know why shopping carts and other debris are detrimental to rivers and streams and the ecosystems they sustain so I don’t see a huge need to go too deeply into it. You could add some aspect of that, but keep it brief. One thing that is somewhat annoying to me as a donor is that I don’t have time to read through these letters that are all too often long and drawn out when I already understand the problem and the need.

Cheers to you and your efforts!

— IVW Aug 28, 03:00 PM #
Think more specifically about the intended audience – business owners. They are often demonized by environmentalists. How do you convince them you share a common interest?

One way is to identify teh benefits – for them – of your achieving your mission. What does a cleaner community do to contribute to business success, home prices, standards of living, etc.?

In other words, how does supporting your cause move their mission forward?

— Michael L. Wyland Aug 28, 03:47 PM #
The listing of specfic amounts for various levels of sponosrship would be better than accepting any old dollar. Always ask for a specific minimum donation, say $25, at least that way you might get something. I like the tone of the letter and you forgot to ask for ‘gas money” to haul the trash away.

— Tom Aug 28, 04:06 PM #
I think the suggestions above are really good.

One thing I think we need to always keep in mind is that business owners have a primary purpose of being profitable, and only if they are profitable will they be able to make contributions to anyone. I think it’s a good idea to think about whether you/your board/your agency use the goods or services of the businesses you are approaching. Without your business they won’t be able to give.

Also, businesses like individuals, can’t or won’t give to every good cause. Try to identify the ones who would benefit from the improved stream and ones who are known to favor environmental causes to give yourself a better chance of success. If they don’t contribute it may be because they’ve already given as much as they can or it may not be their issue.

Are there school service groups who might help raise the money and help with the clean up? It would be nice to be able to train some new philanthropists and environmentalists while raising the funds to clean up that stream.

— annetta Aug 28, 04:33 PM #
What great comments! I appreciate them all, along with the ‘kudos.’ One note — I included two color photos in the letter, of volunteers in the river hauling out trash. One is a tall lady with a toy shopping cart she found, the other is a group of Boy Scouts lugging a cart from the watery depths.

I do target those businesses that are in the shopping plaza where we do most of our cleanup; the plaza owners donate generously each year, grilling our hot dogs on their equipment, and offering use of a dumpster, plus a large cash donation. They understand the link between good public service and a good public image. I can see how I should make this letter more specific to business-owners, and target those on the river.

I am really big on making a personal approach to potential business donors, because I really, deeply understand that they might well be tapped for donations already, as Annetta points out. The face-to-face or even over-the-phone allows me to brainstorm for a few seconds with them, plant a seed that they might think of another way to donate — the local pharmacy and some area restaurants give gift certificates, and the town Radio Shack hosts an inkjet cartridge collection box for me.

I am very hesitant to use words like “outraged” because it’s overly dramatic and not accurate. I was dismayed, upset, shocked…but I didn’t start this effort out of outrage. It was because nobody else was right there to take care of a situation in my own backyard, and I was. I think that approach resonates more with people, especially when most environmental messages out there DO deal with heavy-duty emotions like outrage, fear, panic, etc.

School groups help by volunteering; Girl Scouts have a restriction against fundraising for other non-profits, and Boy Scouts do their own. However, I have a carwash option which will probably happen next spring — this spring was very wet, lots of rain; nobody wanted to wash their car, imagine that!

I like the idea of tying my group’s mission to that of each company; I think that, despite my groaning and moaning, I may need to really write a paragraph tailored to each individual company, rather than this sort of form letter.

I will include an “ask” for a specific amount — the lowest we’ve gotten from a business has been $25, so maybe that would be a good place to start. You don’t think that would give the $300 donors pause, though?

One thing I’ve wanted to do is find a way to honor different levels of giving — but the only means for that so far are our tee shirts. I suppose I could offer to segment the shirt into “platinum sponsors” at the $300 level, “gold” at $100 – 299, and so on. That strikes me as almost petty, though…“this company gave more than that company,” and leaves out those companies who donated food, equipment or other needed supplies.

I agree with IVW that it’s pretty obvious why shopping carts are not good for the river & its inhabitants, but I also agree that having them “smile” up at me is a bit TOO light-hearted! Noting the benefits of what we do IS important, though. I won’t get into a lot of jargon-iffic details, but making the river a safer, cleaner, prettier resource for our town is always a good thing.

There have been, over nine years, over 1,000 shopping carts pulled out of this river by our group. I went over our tallies last year, and came up with just over a thousand, total. The worst year was finding 75 in one spot, with only 14 volunteers to handle it! But we managed…and many were serviceable and returned to their respective stores to be cleaned and returned to use. This year, we’re planning to have a supporter drive them up to the nearest scrap-yard to see if we can get a few bucks to put back in the till, so to speak.

Keep the comments coming, they’re all great! Thank you!

— Kelly Stettner Aug 29, 01:42 PM #
Okay, I think input has stopped, so I’m going to get started on a revision of this letter. I have brand-new photos from this year’s river cleanup to put in, so it may take a few days. But I’ll repost the text here soon. If anyone wants to check out the photos, they will be up on the website within the week! www.blackriveractionteam.org

Thank you!

— Kelly Stettner Sep 10, 01:48 PM #

Commenting is closed for this article.

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