Howard T. and Sara E. Fleming have been making grants through their own family foundation for nearly 20 years. But recently the couple found themselves seeking "more information on how to get along with other members of our board — which is, of course, our family," Mr. Fleming says.
The $1.1-million Howard T. and Sara E. Fleming Charitable Foundation, which supports conservation, education, and youth activities, was formed in 1989 when a charitable trust established by Mr. Fleming's great-aunt was divided among him and his three siblings. Today, the Flemings, who are in their mid-60s, are joined on the board by their three adult children, ranging in age from late 30s to early 40s, and their spouses. The couple lives in Moberly, Mo., while their daughter runs their fund, along with another of the extended family's foundations, from Charlotte, N.C.
To ensure more effective family grant making, the Flemings participated this past fall in the first Couples Philanthropy Retreat, an event in Charleston, S.C., sponsored by the Association of Small Foundations, in Washington. (The group plans a second retreat in 2009, according to Joanna Edens, its program director.)
The weekend retreat, facilitated by a marriage and family therapist who has frequently worked with family businesses and foundations, was designed to help couples discuss their values, find ways to involve their children in their philanthropy, and shape their philanthropic legacy.
It gave the Flemings a better understanding of both of their family backgrounds and how those can shape their decision making, says Ms. Fleming. "It helped us to understand relationships and it has been helpful in better communicating with our son- and daughters-in-law," she adds.
Women Earning Their Own Money
The acknowledgment of couples' philanthropic muscle, as seen in the creation of the Association of Small Foundations' fall retreat, may signal a trend. Social Venture Partners, a group in Seattle whose members pool their funds and then choose charities to support, offers programs for families and has considered similar programs specifically to help partners and spouses carve out their philanthropic strategy.
The National Center for Family Philanthropy, a research organization in Washington, has seen an increasing number of couples attending its regional meetings, seeking information on giving together, says Virginia M. Esposito, the group's president.
"Prior to the past 20 years, philanthropy wasn't much of a couples' activity," says Ms. Esposito. "Primarily, philanthropy was part of an estate plan. It might have been a surviving spouse or the next generation to follow up; it wasn't a shared decision or dilemma. Now people are participating in philanthropy during their lifetimes and frequently at much younger ages, so you have couples making these decisions together, as they would any other." Increased longevity, she adds, has meant that donors now live long enough to practice their philanthropy with their children and grandchildren as well as their spouses.
Another factor driving the trend is that women often bring their own earned money into their marriages, which has increased the number of couples making philanthropic decisions together, says Lorna Lathram, former director of philanthropic services at Indiana University Center on Philanthropy, in Indianapolis, and now a philanthropy adviser in the San Francisco Bay Area.
'A Really Loaded Issue'
Effective programs for couples may be hindered by the scarcity of research on the attitudes and practices of couples in philanthropy or their needs, according to Sofia Michelakis, senior manager at Social Venture Partners. That may soon change, however: Next autumn the Boston College Center on Wealth and Philanthropy is scheduled to release results of a study that may help. Paid for in part by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, the survey is intended to help explain what drives both men and women in households with at least $25-million net worth to give. It aims to describe their donation practices, and to ascertain what they need in order to give effectively.
The Association of Small Foundations' decision to create its couples retreat was inspired by couples in the association's other programs, which typically include people from a variety of grant makers, according to Johanna Edens, the group's program director. Couples who had started or who led their own foundations, says Ms. Edens, "always seemed to have the most dynamic conversations, they had the most stories to tell and had the most interesting questions." In numerous workshops that Social Venture Partners has hosted, such as on the topic of creating a giving plan, the issues of couples also came up, says Ms. Michelakis.
"Money can be a really loaded issue," she says. "It goes to how each individual was raised: Do they have different backgrounds? Was having money considered 'dirty'? Was there a lack of money? They also have to think of how much money to save for their kids and how much impact they can have in society. There can be different points of view, which we recognize can be a barrier to effective giving."
Though it doesn't yet have a formal program strictly for couples, Social Venture Partners has held some gatherings focusing on issues that may concern spouses or partners, Ms. Michelakis says. A facilitator — usually a wealth adviser — prompts the group to share anecdotes that will reveal their attitudes about money, she says. "These kinds of workshops tend not to be an expert panel talking," she says. "What you want to do is to engage people by the questions you ask, by letting conversation emerge through stories. Partners participating in these sessions share their approach and then others pick up on these."
But each couple is different, Ms. Michelakis notes: "There are those just beginning to consider their giving; others start off being aggressive in setting up a giving plan. Some people are interested in the general process of giving, others are interested in specific issues. You have to figure out their particular needs to know how best to serve them."
Making Choices
Bill Henningsgaard, 48, a former international vice president at Microsoft, in Seattle, and his wife, Susan Sullivan, 46, joined Social Venture Partners in 1998, in an effort to learn more about philanthropy.
"We kind of joined Social Venture Partners thinking, We are really blessed and we need to give back, and how do we go about making the best choices?" says Mr. Henningsgaard, who is now also the group's chairman. "In the beginning we listened to [our peers] in the organization, but it wasn't until we joined one of Social Venture Partners' grant committees that we became more deliberate."
The couple looked for activities that would provide them with some instruction for giving. "There was some education on how to define your values and establish a legacy," he says. "Now Social Venture Partners has a new group that is working more on a family focus, but that wasn't available to us. So we had to find activities for ourselves."
Mr. Henningsgaard and Ms. Sullivan say their working together benefits both their philanthropy and their relationship. "I think it increases the level of sharing you have with your partner," he says. "You'll be pulling in the same direction; the various skills and gifts we have help each other out."
His wife, he says, has "influenced how I focus my energies." In his work with Social Ventures Partners, for instance, he says, "I'll bounce ideas off of her in terms of various fund-raising approaches or concepts, and just as frequently tap into her social circle for support for some of those activities."
Ms. Sullivan says, "I'm very tactical and detail-oriented. Bill is strong on the strategic overview. He'll ask, 'Where will we be in the next five or 10 years? Where do we go from here?'"
Her husband adds, "When we work on something, we share more, we understand more about each other, and it's another area in which we create common ground."
The knowledge of what they value and share as a couple is also being passed along to their three adolescent children. "Our kids are getting busier and busier and it's hard to get off that treadmill," Ms. Sullivan says. "But we'll have a family meeting where we'll talk about values and philanthropy, and it's good bonding time."